December 5, 2009

The Reason for the Season

Now that we’re approaching the Christmas holiday, the good Christians among us are going to be gearing up to celebrate the birth of their savior. His mother was a virgin; his father was a deity whose power was and is so magnificent that he had the ability to create the entire universe. The entire thing; the whole fucking enchilada.

I figured that I’d just take a few minutes to think about who—or what—God really is. Let’s consider the following aspects of God:

No one has ever really seen this guy, but his physical appearance has become almost mythical. If you describe his looks, you instantly know who is being discussed. If one were to see a painting of him, you’d quickly be able to say, “Oh, I know who that is!” Even though no eyewitness exists to verify his true physical description, we’ve come to accept what the books and television shows have alleged.

We’ve been told that he can do amazing—almost magical—things. Limitations that exist for mere mortals do not exist for him. He can conquer space and time; he can be here, there, or anywhere at any given time; he is able to watch all of us simultaneously and he’s able to determine who is “naughty” or “nice” at any given moment.

It’s said that those who are “nice”—ostensibly those who have followed all the rules put forth in the books which were written about him—will receive some kind of just compensation for their willingness to obey and do good to make him happy. They will, essentially, be rewarded for their goodness. Their reward will come at a special point in time.

Because of his greatness, in addition to books and poems about him, we also have songs written about him for children to sing and express their admiration of him. Generation after generation will have the opportunity to worship his existence and offer their devotion to him.

When his existence is questioned—which often happens when a person never actually sees someone who supposedly exists—those who are doing the questioning are quickly told to simply “have faith” in his existence. Eyewitness validation is irrelevant, it is said, because his level of greatness transcends the requirement of being seen—or heard.

Yes, this guy is truly amazing. He can do astounding things in a short period of time and he never dies. Hell, he never even ages. He’s simply always with us doing impressive things.

There’s no doubt that he exists because the books, poems, songs, and TV shows about him tell us that he’s real. I hope he visits me this year.


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