Why Women Cheat Should Finish Second Grade

If you’ve had a long day at work, and you need a good laugh, tune in to Yahoo!’s “Shine” Website, which offers information and advice—and I use that term loosely in this instance—on fashion, beauty, healthy living, entertainment, parenting, love, sex, work, money, food, home life, and astrology. There’s a reason that the term “intelligence” doesn’t appear anywhere in the heading.

A blogger named vega love—it’s more than a coincidence that her name shares something with an underperforming 1970s Chevrolet car—offers her top-10 reasons on why women cheat. I wasn’t sure what was more hilariously depressing: the reasons that she offers or her use of “peddle stool” where she obviously wants to use “pedestal.” For a good laugh, have a read.

Some of her reasons (and I’m leaving her spelling errors in the text):

• When the man she loves is spending too much time and attention on himself or his other interests, it is a complete turn-off for women because we want to be the center of his world, and when we aren't, we know that someone else will place us on a peddle stool. You've seen the chick flicks guys, how much more do we need to spell it out for you?!

• No matter what we say, we need the ring, the piece of paper, the contract, the whole sha-bang!

• When you're just not getting along and you seem to be fighting a lot, fellas beware! Most women won't have a clean break because we need to "get under someone new, to get over someone old." That's right, this is something even our mothers and grandmothers know now days! That is why we always tend to have a "rebound guy," you know, the guy after the serious long-term relationship, before the string of one night stands and mini-relationships that will eventually lead to the new and improved relationship with someone better then you. Don't be mistaken, women are a lot more slick then we have been given credit for, and you won't even see it coming.

• You will find that more and more women will have a Cha-cha, a guy they can call on whenever, wherever, to take care of their sexual appetite. Unlike a booty call, a Cha-cha knows you're in a relationship, he might be in one too, but he is readily awaiting her number appearing on the Caller ID of his cell phone. He is the guy that will give her presents AND orgasms, but he never calls her, she calls him. Men have their "old reliables" that they call when they are having a dry spell, women do too, but the Cha-cha is a special man that takes care of her wants and needs in different ways then a booty call and an old reliable. He is also there when you aren't acting right, he will console her after a fight, even if she doesn't mention a word about it, and he is there if she hasn't lined him up already, if you are having any of the issues from 6-10 in addition to the bad sex. Women have sexual and emotional needs that require your attention and if you aren't giving it to them, someone else will without a doubt!

• There are way more nice guys then evil ones out there and if you didn't know this already, we have been trained to await our night in shining armor, thanks to Disney.

• Women just want a guy to make her feel like a princess, so if you've got other things on that peddle stool, you better make room for her because if she isn't your number one, she will belong to someone else in no time.

• I know this all sounds horrible, and you probably think that women aren't like that, but if you really believe that then you are naive.

All of a sudden my state of singleness doesn’t seem so bad after all.

Now I have to go throw some oil on the chain of my peddle stool. It keeps squeaking.

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